Friendship: Overstepping Boundaries

photo by: derrickharvin

Boundaries are there for a reason. And yes, this time I'd like to share about boundaries, especially overstepping boundaries. And yes, this post is personal, based on my own experience.

Boundaries define limits in relationship, both romantic or friendship. Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, of course, a healthy life. Setting and sustaining boundaries is an essential skill. 

Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us don’t learn, and I learn it the hard way. Yes, bad experience is also a part of learning process. Many of you might find my story similar to yours, but I'm not here to talk trash about those people who are already out of my life, but I'm here just to share so that you know that boundaries is an essential thing in life.

So, how do we define boundaries? Our expectations and boundaries are based on many personal factors. These factors are mostly based on our own upbringing, the way we treat people, and the way we expect others to treat us, self beliefs, self worth and self respect. As for me, I defined it mostly based in my self worth, the way I treat people, and the way I expect others to treat me.

When someone upsets me, it is because they have overstepped my personal boundaries. And yes, most of the time when this happens it means goodbye.

How Important is Boundaries?

Our personal boundaries are very important. Boundaries help us understanding who we are. And also, they serve as our authority over our own emotions. Just like parents setting boundaries for their children to protect them, personal boundaries are essential to protect ourselves.

How can we expect anyone to understand our boundaries when we don't even understand it first?

My Personal Boundaries - Things I'm Unable to Tolerate

Looking back, I wish I've already set my boundaries and communicated it with people around me. But, there's no use crying over spilt milk, so I am focusing more on my future now.

Stab me in the face

Yes, I am a straightforward person and I expect the same thing from others. I understand that not everyone can be honest in voicing their thoughts and opinion, but one thing I can't tolerate is someone who spreads rumors about me, talking behind my back.

If you're sincere, instead of spreading false rumor about me why don't you smash me in the face? I will surely appreciate that, because it means you care about me.

Unprofessional

I try my best not to be involved professionally with my friends. I can be friends with my coworkers or bosses, but judging from my experience, I will never work with my friends, again. Working in projects is surely fine, but not a full-time experience.

So how do I define unprofessionalism? It's mixing professional and personal relationships. I've been practicing work/life separation but I can't control what others are doing right? So, when someone is mixing about what happened at work and personal life, it's best to eliminate him/her. Don't feel bad about it; your life, your rules.

Playing Victim

Well, this is the worst ever. Imagine having your trusted ones stabbed you in the back and ended it up telling everyone that they're victim. Disgusting.

Toxic people call their victims toxic. And I won't waste any more of my time to deal with this kind of cheap drama.

Lesson Learned

As we grow old, I think that we're bound to have our circle of friends getting smaller. Yes, we shifted from having as many friends as possible to have few trusted ones. We value quality over quantity.

Stepping boundaries, especially for friendship is important. It helps us to have a more peaceful mind, which will lead to quality life. Like saying, "it's better to be alone than to be in bad company", I prefer having less friends than staying with fake, toxic ones.

So far, I've learned to define three personal boundaries: no talking behind my back, no mixing professional and personal matters, and no playing victim.

What's yours? Feel free to share with me in the comments below. :)